Trust

Bet

I don't trust people who say "I put that on my mama." It's weak. A cop-out. I can put anything on anyone in the world as long as it ain't me. Put your own life on it. 

These past holiday weekends summed it up best. I'm with my oldest friends in the entire world. I'm seeing almost everyone I've needed to mend issues with and talked to a few who I couldn't. The year, which was a roller coaster ride of emotions and changes, was looking to end on a high note. All was right in the world. 

One particular night with my brothers over the holiday, I'm discussing bets I made years prior with people we all know collectively. "Pay me my money!" The rant was long and epic but if you ask the those who were there, the only thing I wanted was what was owed. We laughed and laughed at the ideas being expressed but the only one that was important was "Pay me my money!"

I owe people money. A lot people. People in parts of the world known and unknown are profiting off of daily missed and ignored calls on my part because of how much I owe money. That's not mentioning the burgeoning everyday, run-of-the-mill and personal debts I owe to those dear in my life. I get the feeling of having to owe. I will pay each and everyone of you back and with added interest. A Lannister always pays his debts. One thing I always do is pay a bet. 

During that long entitled speech on bet ethics I was currently in two of them, both of which I lost and both of which I paid. I had $3. I paid anyway. 

To me you're only as good as your word. "How can I trust you?" That's what I continue to ask. The paramedics just left my house. I'm typing on this computer right now out of trust. We'll get into that later. The larger theme is this: I am trying to get to the point where I put my life on everything I say. Ridiculous? Doable? Complete honesty, transparency? Are you insane? Yes. I am insane. But is that not worth striving for?

Today I violated someone's trust. I didn't know that I was doing it. In a way I was trusting what story I was telling to someone. I miscalculated. It took a while to figure it out but I did. At the end of the day I told a story that wasn't mine to tell. And here comes a comedy rant. 

"I don't trust that guy." Angelica must hear this at least once a week. "I can pinpoint why," then I point it out and they proceed to fulfill the prophesy. One of the quickest fails men make when building report is telling other people's jokes. Not verbatim necessarily but ideas expressed that aren't original. Not original in that one didn't examine the words, challenge them against their current reality and create a new thought from them. No. They just laughed, as did the crowd and thousands of other people. To them they think they understand comedy. 

"He's not funny." Angelica must hear this once a day. Angelica is my boyfriend who takes me around town and shows me the world. My fucking Aladdin. We encounter the worst human beings with the most diverse backgrounds. Most of the ones she shows me on our outings get a "He's not funny." To me they're lying. 

Reality is the funniest thing to laugh at. True emotions. True feelings. Dark and light. Real events and real people. The Real World™. I've always wanted to see that first season. Seeing people interacting for the first time, normal individuals from everyday walks of life, living together for a month. That's an experiment I'd pay for. Some of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life were real thoughts and emotions expressed between people intimately. To my death I will fight anyone who disagrees that that the only thing that will stand the test of time comedically is truth and it is also the greatest form of comedy.

....AND THIS MOTHERFUCKER'S LYING! PAY ME MONEY!

I knew for a fact that Donald Trump wasn't going to be impeached. Another person bet against that assumption. What we were doing was challenging realities. In my mind he was being irrational with the idea that it would occur based on my experience and views of the world and he was confident that this event would occur based on his experience and views of the world. I want the $100 from my World Cup 2014 money, the Patriot's win over the Atlanta Falcons in 2017 money and my Donald Trump not getting impeached by the end of the 2017 money. Look at the calendar. 

The bets I placed on the NYE weekend I didn't even look at. I was being reckless because I like to gamble. I like to gamble with my life. I like to gamble with my assumptions. Constantly challenging the world around me is the only thing I can do to know what's real. Right more often than not and the idea of taking anyone else's viewpoint solely without investigation is ridiculous. So what can you trust? How about the truth?

9-1-1. I just told Quinn I would die first. My chest above my heart feels like a skinny person landed on it with the bony part of their ass but then the ass got bigger and the weight got heavier and I didn't move because I'm an idiot. Party's over. Time to press send. 







Next time on Part Two of Trust...

"Blah blah blah. What's your emergency?" I knew if I stayed calm at least that the person on the other line would know my address and hopefully save my life. I also knew I wasn't dying. I knew it. I didn't know it before.